Positive Side of Cancer

11885328_1031408973556609_3430847938691278550_n inked by Julia

The past few weeks have been full of highs and lows, so I decided it’d be fun to make a list of the positives of cancer, if such a thing exists.

  1. No more exercise guilt. Prior to my cancer diagnosis, I was adamant about not working out. I hate every ounce of any kind of exercise. Though I told everyone I never worked out, I still had that little bit of guilt gut every time my friends would go to the gym and I’d be in bed  watching Netflix. With cancer, you’re not really able to work out, because if you fall, you get bruised up badly and could have some serious issues. I’m also extremely weak at this point in treatment. I tried to do a jumping jack today and… yeah. That was probably funny to watch.
  2. All you can eat buffet.  This doesn’t apply to all cancer patients, but right now I’m literally hungry ALL the time. I am constantly eating and gaining weight, and you know what? Everyone applauds me for it. My doctors think it’s great!
  3. People listen.  I’m the baby of the family. Though most babies, including myself, are known for being spoiled, we can sometimes feel like we’re getting ignored. We’re always too young to understand, too small to participate, you get the idea. Now that I’ve been diagnosed with leukemia, I have everyone’s ear for the first time in my life. My doctors hear one complaint from me and immediately think of a solution. I’m not afraid to be honest with people anymore, and it’s liberating.
  4. Gaining Perspective.  Don’t get me wrong; we were devastated by my diagnosis, but my prognosis is good. I just have to get through these next two years and I’m home-free. Others aren’t so lucky. Being at the hospital and talking with families, we have gained so much perspective on life and how God has shown His grace to our family. So many families are going through much harder things and don’t have the resources or support they need. Many of my friends and family think what I’m going through is hard, but I wish you all could see what we’ve seen and hear the stories we have heard. We feel more and more blessed every day.
  5. Time with family. Some of my immediate family relocated over the last few years, and my in-laws are from Maine. After being diagnosed, I saw each and every one of my family members within the first week. I love being able to see them and talk with them everyday. It gives us something to talk about and go through together. We’re stronger than ever.

I know I’ve forgotten a few other positives that I’ve found in the cancer life, but it’s so good to just find the happy’s within all the crappy’s. I hope you can do the same.

Bold, Bald, and Beautiful: Part 3

inked by Julia

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5

The last two months have been a whirlwind for me. Actually, the entire summer was also a whirlwind. We planned a wedding, we went to Venice, I moved in with a boy, I started grad school orientation, and then I got cancer. It’s still a little weird to throw that last one into a sentence. After I was diagnosed with cancer, we spent a full month in the hospital, moved in with my parents, and now I spend every weekday just chilling at home with my mom watching TV when I’m not going to the hospital for chemo.  I told her the other day that besides the whole cancer thing, we’re kind of living the dream life! ;)

God doesn’t make mistakes, and this is His will for my life. He knew I was going to have leukemia before I was even a thought in my parent’s mind. I’m glad God knew where I was going to be at age 21, and I’m ready to roll with it. Yes, it can be tough. I have bad days fairly regularly, but those bad days make the good days that much better.  Like the passage in Romans says, this tribulation has already produced perseverance, refined my character, and produced hope in and through me.

This hope, that my loved ones have as well, has radiated through us to others while in the hospital. We’ve been blessed with the opportunity to share Christ’s love with others. I try to have a positive attitude through every situation in the hospital. I still cry when it hurts, or even when my heart hurts. It’s not that I’m stronger than other patients, but my love for Christ and faith in His plan that gives me peace. My hope is that the doctors and nurses see this peace and know Who it comes from.

I want to continue growing through this trial. I have to battle selfishness and self-centeredness on a daily basis. Michael and my parents have centered their lives around taking care of me, and it’s easy to think that everything is all about me. I constantly remind myself to ask others questions and not talk about myself. My prayer is to grow in humility through this process.

Something life changing like a cancer diagnosis shows you who you truly are, and then you choose who you’re going to be through it. I hope the Lord uses this to make me a better version of myself. A sweet patient care assistant at the hospital shared the verse above with my family and me and it keeps showing up in my life. I love that it says “hope does not put us to shame,” because we have Christ! These verses are my prayer as I walk through this long season. Even on the hardest days, I want to rejoice knowing that my suffering isn’t in vain, and that my ultimate hope is in Christ alone.

Bold, Bald, and Beautiful: Part 2

inked by Julia

I started this blog post in the hospital when I was anticipating my homecoming. I arrived home last Tuesday evening, and by Wednesday afternoon, the deed was done—I shaved my head.

I couldn’t take another day of looking like a balding middle-aged man. I took a before shot of my hair and sent it to my sisters and I don’t think they really knew how to respond because it was that bad. My goal of hair loss was to not reach Gollum status, which I think I succeeded in, but it’s a close call. 7

Along this hair loss journey, I feared how I’d feel buzzing my head. When the day came, the mood in the house was quiet and somber, and no one really knew what to do or say. My mom and I cried together.

Being an all-girl-plus-a-dad house, we were unsure of how to even use clippers. Luckily, my mom had not given away her mother’s (a former hairdresser) clippers, and we dusted them off to give ‘em a whirl. I have an awesome husband, like I’ve said a billion times, who offered to go first. We all laughed watching my mom shave a head for the first time. Once his head was shaved, it was my turn. It’s strange—after all the tension building up to that point, I wasn’t nervous after seeing Michael shave his head.  My head shaving went smoothly and easily.

Now I’m five days into being a bald beauty, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s really not that bad. I mean, don’t get me wrong–there are times when I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. I also feel pretty self-conscience when people see my baldhead for the first time, and I’m aware of the stares I get out in public. I don’t blame them, either, because I’ve been there! But most of the time, I embrace the new look. Getting ready takes no time at all. I do miss having the feminine look that long hair gives me, but a baldhead shows off the rest of my face. I’m ready to give bald a chance!

I searched the internet for tips from other young women who’ve battled cancer and lost hair in the process, but I couldn’t find much. Here are a few tips (I wrote them when I still had some hair) for any other women out there who might be in the same hair loss boat:

Depending on the length of your hair, it’ll shed like crazy even as you cut it shorter and shorter (which I highly recommend).  For most of the stages of hair loss, you need a lint roller. Rolling up the mess is a lot less sad than picking it up strand-by-strand, and it’s much easier.

I would also recommend a silk pillowcase. They are much most gentle on your little head, and I think they are very comfortable. I used a head wrap instead of the hospital towels after showers. In the early stages, it didn’t pull any hair out. Now, it’s a little bit different, but I still think it helps.

Accessorize! As I approached the end of the first phase of treatment, my hair was mainly thinning out on top, but the back was starting to go as well. I found the cutest headbands to cover up the top of my head and make it look super stylish! Stock up on every type of hat, scarf or headwrap that tickles your fancy. I tried not to wear anything in the hospital, because I felt like it pulled out the hair I had left, and it just littered the inside of my clean hats and headbands with hair.

Lastly, don’t leave the house without confidence. I say that as a pep talk for myself, because I want to share my new look with you. I do this with hesitation, but here I am, world!IMG_0043

Anddd here’s one to tug at your heartstrings.

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